Dear Boss,

Dear Boss,

You need not to seek my guilt, my sin, my error, my mistake.

It would make you desperate.

Dear Boss,

You need not to seek my shame, my disgrace, my fault, my ignorance.

We both know, there are none.

Dear Boss,

While you're busy seeking my sins,

God is telling the angel to list down yours.

Dear Boss, 

Please give up, because I'm fed up.

Dear Boss,

It's proven that I'm a sinner, here's my resignation letter.

Are you happy?!

Yetty's Story

When Yetty's husband died, she clung to him refusing to believe that he had left.  
She knelt on the marble floor clinging to her inner body, her high pitched wails cascading from her open lips, as she screamed her anger and disbelief.

Rizal had woken that morning with a stomach pain, which had persisted throughout the day and into the evening.
He had asked a neighbor for a shooting massage, when the pain from the kneading had become intolerable he stood to relieve the the agony, his knees buckled and he collapsed.

The screams burst from the small cement house and encompassed the small cluster of house surrounding it.  
Yetty was wailing for loss, for pain, for rejection, for betrayal, her howl was one of instant poverty.

As the tears was continuously pouring from the corner of Yetty's eyes, she forgot everything - her presence, her stars, and her world. 
She felt empty.
She had fallen.
Suddenly, in her emptiness, she saw a light moving slowly toward her swollen eyes.
The light morphed into a holy shadow that gave aromatic smell to her brain.

Then it softly said, "don't worry dear, I'm not going anywhere.  No matter what you do, where you are.  I'll always be with you.  Now, go find our stars and teach them how to love their world.  Be strong.  I love you."

Yetty opened her eyes gently.
She felt that she just woke up from a long sleep.
As she tried to remember the vision, the voice kept on lingering delicately inside her head.
She tried to think about her dream.
She kept on thinking whether it was a dream or reality.
She began to realize that it was only a dream.
A dream that gave her strength.
A power.
A power to stand up again.
A power to crawl back into her almost-fragile-life. 
To reunite with her loving stars again.

As she embraced her shiny stars, she quietly made a promise to herself that she would always light them.
Protect them from darkness

And she did.
She had fulfilled her promise.

(dedicated to mamaku. my leo = my mama)

Thank you for loving me and making me as strong as you are, as strong as your lion.

I love you, mother, for the eternity...

Happy birthday!

Inception. Were we all dreaming?

Gosh!  First of all, I really don't know where to begin writing my review about this movie without giving anything away.  Well, I'll try not to, but whoever hasn't watched the movie I suggest you not to read this, in case if some words might actually spoil the movie.  Okay, second of all I don't know how am I going to elaborate what the movie is about.  The movie is just too complex to summarize.  My mind is still in between reality and dream.  I think it's the part where I need to use Dom Cobb's line "have you ever wondered how you got to a dream?  Do you remember how you get here?"  Alright, I'm not dreaming as I'm writing this.  Not at all.  I hope! :D  

Anyway, I'll try to explain what the movie is about without spoiling it.  This movie is about a secret thief named Dom Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio)  How could he possibly steal someone's secret?  Well, by entering someone's dream and Cobb can't do it alone.  He has a team with five people in it, each with their special ability.  Ariadne (Ellen Page) is a young genius architect who's responsible for designing places in the dream where those places must not be exist in reality.  There's also Cobb's regular partner named Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), a forger named Eames (Tom Hardy), a chemist named Yusuf (Dileep Rao) and Saito (Ken Watanabe), a filthy rich businessman.  It begins with the agreement between Saito and Cobb.  Saito promises to fix Cobb’s legal problems if Cobb can successfully implant an idea in the mind of a business rival, Fischer (Cillian Murphy).  So there's Cobb and his team begin to develop a complex plan where he creates the world within dream within dream within dream, and that's to give Fischer the idea of changing the business plan that inheritance by his father.  "never recreate places from your memory. Always imagine new places."  So, this becomes Ariadne's job where she has to create different places in each stages, each layers, each levels of unconsciousness.  Pretty cool, eh!  

Let's dream for a moment... zzz,.,.zzz,.,.zzz,.,..,
The theory of dream by Sigmund Freud.
I studied English literature in university and there's one semester where I had to attend psychoanalysis literature lecture.  I read a lot about the theory of dream by the well-known philosopher Sigmund Freud.  His theory about dream is not only interesting, but also mind-twisted, similar to mathematical study yet enjoyable.  Complex, isn't it? :)
I remember slightly about his dream theory that I wrote on my paper back then; dreams are the guardian of sleep.  When we're sleeping, the curtain in reality is closed and it is suddenly drawn, so there we are entering a surreal world.  When we enter the dreamland, there are no rules.  Location changes, people turn into other people and it's so strange when it happens, for example; your dad can turn into your boyfriend and shortly after that he turn into your scary neighbor without you noticing. Our dreams are so personal, we're the only one who can analyze them.  The content of a dream can be anything, it can be something that occurred in the past that becomes a traumatic thing, or strong relation between you and your own memories, friends, regrets, desires, sexuality, and daily life. 

What I learned from Freud is, he believed the dream is composed in two parts. The manifest and the latent content. The manifest content can be thought of as what a person would remember as soon as they wake up.  Freud thinks this manifest content is meaningless because it was a disguised representation of the true thought underlying the dream.  The second part is the latent content which holds the true meaning of the dream – the forbidden thoughts and the unconscious desires.  Although the manifest and latent content can be indistinguishable, Freud calls it as ‘Infantile dreams’.  The process when the latent content is transformed into the manifest content, it is known as the “dream work".  Anyway, "a dream always feels real when you're in it", Like Dom Cobb said.  

Back to reality,.,.,.,.
Christopher Nolan had done some extra ordinary artwork.  This has proven in his previous movie such as "The Dark Night", story of a hero and criminal, good and evil, using a hedonism concept.  "Memento", a story of short-term memory condition with a complex plots in every layers.  After I watched "Memento" I don't know what to believe, memories or certainties and that's how I define good movie :)  Similar to Inception, while watching that movie, my mind is being fucked up for two hours.  It's been a week since I saw this movie but it keeps haunting me and I can't stop thinking about it.  When the movie finished, I thought I dreamed that I watched it.  Maybe I was just having a dream within a dream within the dream that I was watching Inception?  Aaarrgghh..... I want to rip my brain off!!  (no, don't! this is reality, don't do it!)

Anyway, as a lot of people has questioned about the ending, whether it is a dream or reality.  Well, in my opinion it doesn't matter anymore whether it is still a dream or reality.  It's a happy ending where Cobb got home and see his kids again, cause that's what the hole point of the movie from the very beginning.  That's the hole in the movie.  That's the plot.  That's the problem that needs to be solved.  I think, Cobb meeting his kids was real.  His totem keeps on spinning but it can't spin forever.  This is how I see it, have you ever felt that almost every time our dreams are about to end or reach the fulfilling point, we wake up before it does.  That's called cut-to-black and it is used as a metaphor.  When Cobb's totem is spinning, that's Nolan's cut-to-black point.  It's just a metaphor in the movie.  It just a happy ending with little cute little wink from the director giving us wake-up kick!  And after that, find your totem and spin it, see if you're still in a dream or back in reality.

So, are you still dreaming?

:) 

Reza's Visit

Today is the last day of school holiday (yeah, so?).  Well, it means this is the last day of my little brother here in Jakarta.

Yes, I have a little brother.  A teenager who just passed grade 11.  He lives with my mother in my hometown, Jambi.  Couple weeks before examination, he asked me if he could come and visit me in Jakarta since he hasn't been to the Capital city.  Well, he had been to Jakarta when he was only 8 years old, not to mention that he stayed here only a week and didn't get a chance to look around.  He doesn't even remember what Jakarta looks like.  So, during examination he kept on asking me if he could spend school holiday with me here, so I made a promise to him that if he passed all the examination, I would fly him to Jakarta.  Then, BAM! He told me over short message that he passed grade 11 and plus he got good grades on the tests.  So, promise is a promise, right?  I got him a ticket and fly him to Jakarta right after the day he got his book report.  Picking him up at the airport, I could tell from his face that he was so excited and wow he's gotten taller.  I bet he's the tallest compare to his two other older brothers.

I tried to give him a good hospitality, keep his comfort and being responsible not for myself but also to my brother while he was here.  I worked from 9 am to 6 pm, I had to leave him alone during my working hours.  Good thing he didn't mind and I was glad that he could find things to do easily all by himself.  After work, I managed to take him around the city, took him from mall to mall.  So big city I know, but at night I couldn't take him anywhere but mall to mall :)

First weekend he was here, I took him to Ragunan zoo. 

Ragunan is the best zoo in Jakarta city.  It has many faunas; mammals, birds, reptiles, and many more.  Since this zoo is big so we rented a bike and rode around.

My brother was amazed, not that it was his first time to the zoo.  He'd been to the zoo in Jambi but it was nothing like the zoo in Jakarta.  Nothing at all.  That place was pretty crowded as it was just the beginning of school holiday.  My favorite spot was Tiger's house.  Right beside it was the Lion's house - those lions reminded me of animated movie called The Lion King.  They were so cute and scary at the same time that made me wanted to pet them :)  It started to rain on our way to see the Giraffe but it didn't stop us since it was only kind of small shower pouring.  My brother got excited to see the Giraffe that he willed to pay 5 thousand rupiahs to get into its cage, fed it and a nice picture of the Giraffe.  I think it was his favorite spot in Ragunan.

Ragunan Zoo, Jakarta - Photo by Author

We checked out in the afternoon and headed to Monas (monumen nasional).  It was located in central Jakarta and it was the place where we could see National Monument that looks like a giant gold crave on the top.  According to its story, it's a real gold but it's already coated with iron or similar stuff.  This place is like a symbol of Jakarta, so for tourists, please writes down this place on your list when you get a chance visit Jakarta. 

 Monumen Nasional (monas), Jakarta - photo by author

Second day of that weekend, I took my little brother.. Oh by the way, his name is Reza.  I like Reza as guy's name, don't know why :)  Anyway, I took him to seaworld, where there are many big aquariums complete with sea creatures.  I also took him to Dufan, known as Ancol Dreamland is located in Ancol, West Jakarta.  Gosh that day was so crowded there.  There might be people other city came, I'd guess.  Dufan is a theme park that has many attractions and rides such as roller coaster (halilintar) ride, Niagara flume ride, Istana Boneka (a local version of Disney's It's a Small World), Ferris wheel (bianglala), Swinging ship (kora-kora), Tornado and the newest one is called Hysteria.  Of all the attractions, I really liked Tornado.  We all did.  Tornado is one of the most exciting rides there. I went on it once and it felt like my heart was going to fell down onto the ground. It was scary and exciting at the same time. When we got to the top, it will spin us around. I was lucky at that time because when it was spinning, I could see the sunset and the sea, UP-SIDE DOWN!! It was an AMAZING feeling! So, go try the ride before dawn. It'll give you a butterfly in stomach :)

Sea World, Ancol, Jakarta - photo by author

Tornado Ride, Dufan, Jakarta - photo by author

Reza spent the second week of his holiday in Ciawi, Bogor with my other brother.  So, I wasn't involved with his routines.  He told me he went to Kebun Raya Bogor (Bogor Botanical Garden), "it's so big and awesome!", he said.  Yes, I agree!

He also went to Puncak.  There's nothing to see, really.  It's just that this Puncak is located at the top of a hill of Cipanas.  The good thing about this place is, when you got to the top you can see the hill surrounded by tea plantation, and the curvy road, such a pleasant view.  Don't forget to bring your jacket or sweater along because Puncak is cold.

 Bogor Botanical Garden, West Java - photo by Reza

Third weekend Reza here, was his last weekend so I took him to WaterBom.  It's a water park with many fun water slides to ride on.  This park is child-safe designed and supervised at all times!  This park is about 5 hectare wide.  It's pretty clean and it provides life jackets for kids, so for mommies who wants to bring their toddler here, do not worry, your child will be safe :)  Good thing about this park is that anyone can go on any water slides especially the one called The Hairpin.  It can fit 4 people inside the tube, it's so exciting!

Water Boom, Jakarta - photo by author

Taking Reza to those places, I consider that as an advantage for me.  If I hadn't taken him there, I wouldn't have known about those places.  It was nice to have one of my siblings visit me and the important thing is that my little brother was happy inside and out.  He hadn't had a real holiday, so I hope I gave him the best as he wished for.

"Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts" - Anonymous 

World Cup 2010

I've been setting my head and eyes in front of the telly.  I don't usually do this, but when the world is talking about FIFA World Cup, I gotta make this one as my priority, it's an exception if I may say.  Why is that?  Well, it is a once-in-four-years tournament.  It is a credit to each team from each country that they show to the world on the green field, hogging the one and only soccer ball for 90 minutes, not to mention the goals they make.  People in the world shouts and sings lively, cheering and supporting for their team in every corners I passed by.  The hype is everywhere.  Such an exciting feeling!

One of the places in Jakarta to watch the tournament from big screen - Grand Indonesia Mall - photo by author

Just so you know, I'm not a big fan of soccer.  The only league I usually follow and watch (sometimes) is England league, not to mention some players are absolutely hot, haha!  Gerrard the captain of Liverpool is truly awesome, then there's Lampard, John Terry, Joe Cole from Chelsea, and David Beckham of United Manchester, I don't actually like Beckham because his appearance is more to commercial side.  Maybe because I see him more on billboard and commercial posters advertising either somewhat man's product or classy clothing of an extra ordinary designer. 

Gerrard, Lampard, Terry, Joe Cole, and Beckham - photo from web

Anyway, those handsome soccer players are not the main reason why I'm following the world cup tournament.  The first reason is that KNOWLEDGE.  Whatever country that World Cup had held at, first thing that makes me wanting to know about is anything about that country.  This year it's held in Africa.  Now, who doesn't know Africa?  We all know where that continent is laid.  The first thing that comes in my when I hear Africa is Nelson Mandela and Kofi Annan.  But of course those are not the details of World Cup in Africa.  Nope! Not until I find out.  Special for world cup tournament, Africa developed 10 soccer stadiums.  There are 2 stadiums in Johannesburg, to be exact they're located in Soccer City and Ellis Park.  Also one in Cape town, Durban, Nelspruit, Rustenburgh, Pretoria, Polokwane, Port Elizabeth, and Bloemfontein. 

Another fact about Africa is its stadium horns called Vuvuzela.  It's about 65 cm long and it's made of plastic, comes with variety colors, and it produces a loud monotone tone which annoys me even if watched the tournament on tv.  Apparently, vuvuzela is most used at soccer matches in South Africa.  It has becomes their symbol.

Vuvuzela - photo from web

I've been cheering for team Brazil and Spain.  Brazil had great players and even though this year isn't still their year yet but I believed they did a good job and that's what good supporter do.  Support their team whether they win or lose.  Since Brazil had lost the match with Netherlands, my only hope is Spain now.  By now, Spain has made it to the semi-final.  La Furia Roja will beat Panzer.  Even though most people think that Panzer will make it to final because they've made it to semifinals seven times in the tournament.  They believed that Panzer will bring Vicente Del Bosque down easily because they've made Fabio Capello and Diego Maradona Cried.  But, I strongly believed La Furia Roja will win, not because what Paul the Octopus has predicted.  It is because, well, they've been playing so good and they have this strong and solid team.  They've never rush in the game and it makes people think that the way they play is boring.  To me it's just a strategy.  The other thing that makes me so sure of Spain winning the match is that these guys from each team met on a match of Euro Cup 2008 and Spain successfully brought the trophy home.  So, yeah I have no doubt in them :) Come on Torres, Villa, Xavi and Casillas bring them down!

Torres, Villa, Xavi and Casillas - photo from web

Ok, it is almost time for the match...
So, I'll be back and write whether if Spain wins or loses ;)

Adios Amigos! 
Muchos Bessos!


:D
 

SPOTLIGHT

"Hi! Good morning heartlisteners! Welcome to 100.6 Heartline FM, and you’re listening to Spotlight, this program uses a special English method of broadcasting! And you’re with me, Zee Febriani! In this beautiful Saturday morning, I would like to greet you with a great quotation: “The first step to getting the things you want out of life is to decide what you want.”  So, if you know what you’re gonna do with your life, then you’ll find the meaning of success on your own.  Anyway, how are you today?  I hope all of you is doing well.  Today is the 9th of January, the second weekend after New year 2010, so I hope you guys are still in a good mood and full of enthusiasm starting the year with whatever resolution you have.  I do hope that your 2010 resolution are going great and smooth.  And always make sure you stay fit and good health because according to Jakarta weather forecast, today we're gonna have some storm rain and the temperature is 24 degrees Celsius and it's gonna rain for the next two days!  So, you guys please remember to prepare umbrella.  Not only umbrella but also some medicines, in case you got flu or fever.  Because extreme weather can make you sick.  Alright heartlistener, today spotlight’s topic is Musician and Community Activist.  Well, we'll discuss it in details after this song. Stay tune cause I'll be back!"

Yup! I used to greet people every Saturday morning from a radio station. 

While everyone is probably still sleeping, I had to wake up pretty early, catch a bus and travel 45 minutes to outside of the city.  On Friday night, while everyone is out to see a movie or shopping at a mall or dancing at a club, I had to stay home and work on my script and prepare everything for the morning show on the Radio.  “Spotlight”, that’s what the show called.  It is a radio program that uses English as a primary language.  Its target is a student, but everyone is welcome to join.  It’s an hour program and I think it’s pretty good especially for those who want to learn English.  As a radio program host, that works in a studio and speaks on the microphone where people can only listen to my voice on air, doesn’t mean I didn’t do much.  Well, as a host I need to figure out how to make listeners interested enough to listen my program, so every Saturday, I came up with different topic.  Sometimes I invited a guess to share their experience depending on the topic.  When Nikki was here visiting me, I asked her to be my guess and shared her experience in traveling the world for 5 months, at that time the topic was ‘backpacking’. 

Nikki is Canadian whom I met in my hometown – Jambi while she was little kid.  She and her family lived there for two years.  My mom was their cook and shortly, her family became my family since her parents are my benefactors.  I moved to Jakarta with them and they lived here for two years.  In summer, we would visit their family in Canada.  They moved back ‘for good’ to Canada in 2004.  I left behind because I needed to finish my study at university here.  We never lost contact.  I got to visit them to Canada and stayed there for the whole summer holiday.  So, yeah that’s about it.  Briefly :)

 

Anywaaaaayy… as a host, I also let listeners phone to the studio and share anything they like according to the topic we were discussing.  Since it’s an English program, of course I also had to play English songs, of course.  Sometimes I would throw a quiz to listeners and whoever won, they got a present. 

Honestly, this job didn’t pay much.  But, I was happy most of the time because it was just an amazing feeling that I get to share knowledge with everyone.  It didn’t bother my main job.  It also helped me practicing my English.  So it was all good and positive for almost a year.  There was time when I complained couple times for having to wake up early every Saturday morning, had wished to slept in instead.  Nonetheless, I could still manage and looked at the positive things about it.  It didn’t last very long.  I was tired and I wanted to leave and I knew it wasn’t easy for me.  But I wanted my Saturday back.  It neither selfish nor silly reason, was it?  So I said goodbye to all listeners in early February.

Now it’s been 6 months since I left the radio station.  I miss being a host.  I miss getting on the chair in the studio, talking to a microphone and greeting listeners every Saturday morning.  I’m saying this, not because I’ve regretted my decision to leave the radio. I’m just.. you know.. I’m just saying 

;)  I think there’s nothing wrong telling a story about things I loved doing in the past.  I’m happy where I am now and am sure I have made my mom proud of me, “Zwes, I’m proud of you for taking the world by storm” she said. 

To all spotlight listeners… I love you guys!! :D